What is confidence?  Men and women of all ages throw out this word time and time again as something they are looking for in a mate and is the number one element both men and women find attractive in one another.    People desire for one another to be comfortable in their own skin, sexy and solid in knowing who they are.   It could look like something as simple as putting on a pair of heels to gain a sexy swagger, smiling at a man in a coffee shop to invite conversation or being at ease and enjoying a date.  When you feel confident, you attract love and opportunity in your life.

But feeling secure when it comes to dating is easier said than done.  It doesn’t matter if you are young trying to find a husband, middle aged and never been married or back on the market after being married for 10 years.  All stages have its challenges but if you feel good about yourself and know what you want, finding love and dating can be a lot easier.  One of the most universal problems I see happening with both men and women these days is that they want to find love and they want it now.  This is a technical world of instant gratification achieved through emails, texting, social media and television.  We as a society on some level feel entitled to that when it comes to finding a partner.  But that sense urgency, eagerness and hyper-focus on finding the right person always backfires.  Slow down and take the time to clarify what you want and you will find the love you are looking for and be more secure with who you are.  To get started, follow these three easy tips so you can be on your way in feeling “dating confident.”


Rule number one:  Stop, Slow Down and Focus on YOU.   Think of this metaphor.  If you are running a marathon and you want to get to the finish line, you can’t sprint to the end.  You’ll hurt yourself and fall short.  Rather, you need to train, get your body in shape, run at a decent pace and notice your surroundings.   That is what I help clients do…train for the marathon so they can feel good about themselves and get to the finish line.  Observe your environment and notice who and what is in it.  Create an energy that invites people towards you and position your body to be open and available.  For example, do you know what men are looking at you?  Pause as you walk in a room and lazily scan for someone, and then walk slow and sexy noticing who and what is around you.  Get rid of your tunnel vision!

Rule number two: Know Your Strengths.  When clients come to my office looking for a match, they usually bring me a laundry list of what kind a man or woman they want and what they must have.  It’s great to think about the kind of partner you would like and the qualities they must have but it’s more important to understand who you are first.  Instead of focusing on the man, focus on YOU.  I tell my clients to write a list of all the things they are good at in their profession, personality traits, what they offer in a relationship, physical traits, etc.  Also, once you know what you like about your body, buy new clothes that accentuate your positive assets and walk into the date with your new sexy look.  This can be challenging for a lot of people, but I find once people recognize their own strengths, getting what they want is a lot easier.  This exercise also helps you come from a place of confidence so that when you are feeling anxious and uneasy about dating you think of all the fantastic qualities you have and the insecurities go away.  Knowing your strengths and accomplishments will also assist you in getting clarity on who deserves you!

Rule number three:  Have Fun!  It sounds so simple but letting go of the urgency of finding that perfect partner and interviewing hundreds of men on dates can be freeing and make dating fun.  Avoid interrogating the guy on your first date a hundred questions to see if he meets your criteria for marriage.  Instead laugh, share stories, be light, be feminine and ignite the chase and create intrigue and mystery.  Make him want more by showing the fun, playful side of you so that you can get to the second date.  You are not jumping into a relationship with anyone on a first date or meeting so just kick back and have fun.  You’ll have plenty of time to get to know him if he is the right one

Of course there are so many other ways to gain dating confidence and discover the right partner.  But the whole point is to slow down and take baby steps until you feel you are in condition to run the marathon.  Pace it out, love who you are and have fun and you WILL get to the finish line!



This article originally published on YourTango.

About the Author Kim

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