How Perfectionism Kills Your Dating Success

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Kim
July 31, 2015

148 comments

I’ll date when I have perfect pictures for my online profile. I’ll buy new clothes when I lose 10 lbs. I’ll talk to that attractive man standing alone in the market when I find the right thing to say.” Sound familiar?

Let’s face it, we can all be hard on ourselves. In fact, we often are our worst enemy. So much so that we focus on everything that we don’t like about ourselves or how we can be better. But centering on being “perfect” prevents you from taking action and you might be missing opportunities in your life.

Instead, embrace your strengths and what you have right now because THAT is what is attractive– not being perfect. Because of my background as a therapist, when it comes to confidence, I first and foremost look at how my client’s past may be shaping her present and future. For example, maybe as a girl you learned that it’s impolite to admit that you love your butt, because that would mean you were stuck up. Or maybe you were ridiculed because of a certain body part that developed early and you became self-conscious of it.

The important thing to keep in mind is that the negative messages you learned back then is negatively influencing how you feel about yourself today, and that’s not at all helpful or valid. To counteract those old beliefs, here are a few tips to help let go of the need of supreme perfection and love who you are today.

 

Love Your Body

Have you ever seen that woman who definitely doesn’t have the “perfect” Victoria Secret-type body, but is so confident that it doesn’t matter?

Loving a physical attribute of your body is something I teach clients to own in order to increase their confidence. When you are truly confident with your body and all its flaws, you radiate in a way that simply draws other people to you. That kind of inner confidence can’t be faked, and in order to get it you need to learn how to love your body exactly how it is today – flaws and all.

Most women focus on what they don’t like rather than what they DO like. Once you know what you love about your body, you’ll know how to showcase it. Stand in front of the mirror and focus on only the things that you like about your appearance.

For example, maybe you love the curve of your back or your almond-shaped eyes. Or perhaps you love your strong, shapely calves or toned arms. Write down what you love about your appearance on a piece of paper and review that list whenever you don’t feel beautiful. Finally, one of the best things you can do to feel more body confident is understanding the type of body you have and how to best enhance it.

If you don’t yet know what your body type is or how to dress for your particular figure and accentuate your assets download my free eBook now for a full guide by checking my bio below and visiting my website.

 

Get Out of Your Head

Sometimes too much reading and not enough “doing” can really hold you back. You might have way too many facts and theories swimming in your head that you are forgetting to just be in the moment and have fun. You know all that you need to know, so it’s time to take action and move past the fears and obstacles that are holding you back.

 

Open Up Your Body Language

Many times when you are too focused on the results, you forget to be in the moment and you send messages with your body language that you are “closed.” You need to start sending smoke signals to men and women that you are available and open to talking. Smile, laugh and make eye contact with everyone when you walk into a room. It’s time to take off the blinders and take notice of who is looking at you. And don’t be so target-specific in whom you turn it on to. Create a magnetic energy by smiling and talking to everyone and anyone.

 

Be Vulnerable

It’s ok to feel and say what is on your mind. Take off the mask you might be hiding under. This allows people to really “see” you and creates meaningful connections.

Perfection is imperfection. Allow yourself to fail, feel and love who you are! If you are feeling frumpy, unattractive, outdated or overwhelmed every time you look in the mirror then contact me about my Makeover Weekends to get recharged and revitalized. Love where you are today. Learn how to style yourself to feel great on the inside and to send those external signals that you are available and ready.

 

 

 

Originally published on Digital Romance.

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