If you’re looking to add a little spice to your online dating messages, this advice will turn your conversation from awful to amorous. Don’t settle for banal messages, attract that gorgeous guy or girl with these playful, teasing tips.
If you’re looking to add a little spice to your online dating messages, this advice will turn your conversation from awful to amorous. Don’t settle for banal messages, attract that gorgeous guy or girl with these playful, teasing tips.

First things first

Flirting through online messaging can be fun and exciting, but that doesn’t mean you should start sending your amorous messages right out of the gate. Don’t be hasty, make sure to first establish a connection with that attractive guy or girl before sending anything to risqué. Remember, the people you’re speaking to online are, at this stage, complete strangers. If you start out by trying to be sassy or teasing it can easily come off as cocky and arrogant. The same can be said if you’re trying to be flattering, instead coming off as creepy.
Be sure to start your messaging amicably, talking about shared interests and hobbies. Soon you’ll be able to try out a little subtle flirting, if the other person plays along then you’re free to increase that flirtiness – and that’s when the fun begins.


Response time
Flirting through online messages isn’t only about what you say, it’s also about when you don’t say anything at all. You may be crazy about this guy or girl, but there’s nothing flirty about replying to a message immediately. Try and make that person wait a little while, play a little hard-to-get so you don’t seem too eager or even desperate. But don’t wait too long, otherwise your nonchalance may be seen as a lack of any interest. Make that person miss you, so when you do reply they’ll be all the more happier to hear from you.


There’s nothing wrong with flattery or complimenting someone online, but whatever you do don’t use it to start a conversation. Women in particular receive plenty of messages complimenting their looks, it in no way sets you apart from the other guys messaging her and it screams you’re only interested in sex.
Save the compliments for later on once you’ve already established some form of a connection, this way they seem more sincere and will be better received. Also, compliments don’t always have to be physical. Flattery such as ‘I’m so jealous of your hobbies, they sounds really interesting’ or ‘I love your energy’ can do wonders in trying to establish an exciting connection.


Don’t be afraid to tease a little
I’ve seen plenty of people online message with the friendly factor turned up to 11. Being pleasant is nice and all, but if you’re looking to inject some excitement don’t be afraid to try out some playful teasing. After adding some banter to your messages, you’ll be surprised at how many people play along and have fun teasing you back.


Sarcasm may be described as the lowest form of wit, but for those trying to lightheartedly tease it’s the perfect tool. Take note however, getting across a sarcastic tone through online messaging can be difficult, things can easily be taken wrong or not how they were intended.
If you’re looking to highlight that playful, sarcastic tone try things like exaggerating your writing (‘you’re sooooooo considerate’) or the typical winky emoticon (you know that hat you’re wearing in that picture? It totally doesn’t make you look like a stalker ;)’). Mix in a few inside jokes and witty humour and your messages will make you impossible to resist.


The key to flirting is confidence. Whether you’re playing hard to get, using flattery or simply being sassy, confidence is essential. This is where online messaging turns into an advantage. If confidence isn’t your strong suit, the lack or face-to-face interaction of online messaging can help in faking that confidence. Have fun being bold, try to be daring and message with a sassy, playful tone. You’ll be surprised at how faking confidence can actually make you more confident and also how much fun you can have trying it. Confidence adds flirtiness to your messages, it’s sexy and turns you into a desirable potential partner in the eyes of others –  learn to embrace it.


Have fun
It may be cliché, but it’s important – don’t forget to have fun! Online dating doesn’t need to be a chore, finding people online is exciting and can lead to some awesome experiences. Try to not take online dating too seriously, don’t become fixated on finding a partner and allow yourself to enjoy the ride. Not only does this help yourself, it’ll bleed into your messages making you seem more fun, flirty and desirable to other people.


This is a guest post by Lucy Jones. Lucy is a serial toyboy dater and member of Toyboy Warehouse, the ultimate dating site for older women and younger men. She has written for a variety different publications offering advice and insights about all things online dating.
About the Author Kim

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