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Do you self-sabotage in dating and relationships? Are you quick to judge others? This week, Kimmy interviews Brandon Wilson, a communications and executive consultant who helps leaders and organizations identify the barriers that stop them from fulfilling their dreams. Brandon shares his story about the business relationship that nearly cost him everything. You’ll hear how that experience helped him develop a sabotage framework which he outlines in his book, Sabotage.

EPISODE 226 of The Charisma Quotient Podcast is titled: Self Sabotage When Dating: Interview With Brandon Wilson

This fascinating conversation will give you practical tools to start noticing patterns in your personal and love relationships that could cause you to sabotage your love life. Kimmy and Brandon discuss the key signs to know if you’re vulnerable to sabotage from others and yourself. Qualities like jealousy and arrogance are red flags when it comes to creating a healthy, growth-minded, loving relationship. You’ll hear an insightful answer to Kimmy’s question about what motivates people who self-sabotage or sabotage others. This conversation is packed with amazing, actionable tips you can use to see the relationships and dating patterns you have in a new light. Listen in to hear some surprising facts about what holds you back from attracting and developing the positive, strong relationships you really want.  Once you can recognize the signs of sabotage, the more power you have to stop it in its tracks.

If you are ready to stop self-sabotaging and grow into the best version of yourself, take the first step by booking a FREE call with Kimmy here  In half an hour, you will get a roadmap to build your dating plan and start your love journey.

EPISODE 226 of The Charisma Quotient Podcast is titled: Self Sabotage When Dating:  Interview With Brandon Wilson.

The Charisma Quotient Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and many of your other favorite podcast channels. ⁣ ************************************************⁣

Charisma Quotient Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and many of your other favorite podcast channels. ⁣ ************************************************⁣

The Charisma Quotient Podcast: Building Confidence, Making Connections, and Finding Love from the Outside In is hosted by Kimmy Seltzer. ⁣ ************************************************⁣

Kimmy Seltzer is a Confidence Therapist and Authentic Dating Strategist implementing targeted style, emotional and social intelligence to your life. ⁣ ************************************************⁣

Sharing a wide array of relational topics, The Charisma Quotient Podcast focuses on the themes of building confidence, making connections, and finding love from the outside in.⁣ ************************************************⁣

Would you like to connect with Kimmy? ⁣ Website:⁣Chat:⁣ Instagram: @kimmyseltzer Twitter: @kimmyseltzer Join her FREE Facebook Group Love Makeover Insiders:

Self Sabotage When Dating: Interview With Brandon Wilson

Do you even find yourself in a situation or a relationship that you know is bad for you but you stay in it anyway or maybe you don’t even realize that you are doing it? In simple terms, this is what self-sabotage looks like, especially if you have been hurt in a past relationship where you totally opened yourself up for love. If you think about it, it’s the brain’s way of keeping you safe because thinking if you pick something that you know won’t work out anyway, you don’t have to get close to being hurt again or even take ownership of it. Self-sabotage keeps great people single. This is something that I see all the time, even with myself, and a lot of you have heard my story. I always throw myself under the bus. Fear is the biggest thing that keeps people from change.

That self-sabotage is generally an unconscious behavior. It is your subconscious mind keeping you safe from being hurt again. In fact, if you have been hurt and loved, then your subconscious mind sees love as unsafe and will do anything to protect you from the same pain. It can feel particularly frustrating as it appears, and you have no control over your actions. Self-sabotage, as a term, sounds awful.

No one wants to deliberately cause themselves pain or stop themselves from being happy. The truth is all behavior, good, bad or indifferent, has a positive intent. Even the ones that frustrate you or cause the pain. Although this instinct can be counter-productive in the area of love, it serves a purpose until it doesn’t. Here are some ways that I see when I’m working with my clients and how it shows up with the dating.

You might be judgmental towards others but that judgment is within yourself and then you have these high expectations that are difficult to meet. This keeps you safe, and it pushes other people away, eventually. It can show up how you treat people. You date through your words and actions. You see self-sabotage when you act in a way that you know is unacceptable with the aim to see still if the person will accept you.

You will do things and say, “Now, do you love me? Are you going to stay with me?” It may even be very simple like you are just doing things to numb out. It could be drinking, drugs, a lot of sex, saying hurtful things or passive-aggressive behaviors. All of these things are ways that you might self-sabotage. I remember I was working with a client, and she had so much self-sabotage. It was impacting her ability to attract and stay in healthy relationships.

When I began working with her, she tried to wean off this guy that she was dating. He was extremely toxic to her. He was a little bit critical and abusive. He was emotionally distant. He would run hot and cold. She was thriving on the hot and cold. That’s partly what would the attraction was. She knew that he was bad for her but still, she was drawn to him.

I took her history as I always do, and we figured out that growing up, she had a very emotionally distant family and a highly abusive father who became violent. Ultimately, she kept picking men who repeated a similar behavior. It was familiar to her. This was keeping her safe because if she allowed herself to get close to a healthy situation, it scared her more than what she knew already.

This is the thing she would beat herself up on. It’s like, “I know this is bad for me, yet I still am drawn to it.” We had to do a lot of work around identifying those self-sabotaging behaviors, all the while building herself worth. It had to come from within, learning how to make emotional connections, expressing her feelings, being okay, being vulnerable, and seeing who showed up for her were crucial for the process.

TCQ 226 | Dating Self Sabotage
Dating Self Sabotage: Leadership is the ability to identify people and build relationships with the people who support each other in order to do something bigger and greater than what we can achieve on our own.

She started doing it. She started experiencing healthy relationships and dating but she didn’t trust him. She’s like, “This guy is too good.” She was waiting for the ball to drop. It took a while for that reprogramming to occur. What’s crazy about it is if you are a self-sabotager, that’s often when you get attracted to sabotagers. It almost works hand in hand.

With me, I have an amazing leader in helping people with sabotage. I cannot wait for this discussion. He’s one of the world’s most sought-after communications and executive consultants. Over the last years, he has helped leaders at some of the most influential companies in the world realize during pursuits from building college campuses to addressing global wealth disparities. More than this, he is also a survivor of leadership sabotage. His bout with betrayal himself, theft and deceit custom, nearly $700,000 and threatened his livelihood in an unthinkable way.

His story of resilience is inspiring, and I’m sure he will share more about it and fuels his mission to help leaders unlock the next levels of their leadership. He has been seen all over the place. He’s on CNN, the Today Show, and Fox News. He’s the author of an amazing book called Sabotage. He has helped create a lasting impact for some of the world’s most trusted brands like Apple, Apollo, JP Morgan, Chase, and a whole lot more. Welcome, Brandon Wilson. Are you there?

Thank you so much for having me, Kim. This is going to be fun.

I can’t wait for this. What you do is so needed and amazing, and I want to know your story. I read a little bit about you but we always are our own best teachers every single time. It sounds like you have a story behind it.

Thank you for having me on this important show, and my hope is to share with your audience something that helps them to start building relationships that align and support their dreams. I want to start from a place of care first. Before I even talk about who I am and what I do, I want to let you know that I care about your audience. I will do everything in my power to give them practical, actionable things to start improving the quality of the relationships that they build in their personal and professional lives.

I love and feel that about you. I immediately liked you and connected with you. It’s something that I talk to my clients about. Sometimes we get so caught up in just the facts and what we are supposed to be doing, even with dating. I see this happen all the time. The men and women have their checklist that they are going to interview the person on a date. It doesn’t become a real interaction. I feel that you are present and real. My audience already feels that.

What I specialize in is helping organizations and leaders identify the barriers in their lives or organizations that stop them from fulfilling audacious and bold pursuits. I’m almost a leadership caddy where I say, “That tree right there is going to block your ball. If it’s not going to make it to the hole, you just call up.” In our lives, we have these blind spots, these things, and tools that we utilize all the time because we are comfortable with them.

Every company, every organization, and every pursuit are the by-product of high quality or poor quality relationships. Click To Tweet

Sometimes they may not be the right tools for the job that we need to get done. It’s because I’ve helped build organizations, and the organizations make a global impact. One of the things that I’ve learned working with a variety of different kinds of leaders is that every company, organization, and pursuit is the by-product of high or poor quality relationships.

If you only view leadership professionally, you have a very narrow view of leadership. Leadership, at best, is the ability to identify people and build relationships with the people who support each other to do something bigger and greater than what we can achieve on our own. When we reach the alchemy of leadership per that definition, we tap into the power of collective impact.

Collective impact is the acne of leadership. It is going after things that are precious and sweepingly impactful that it takes a community of folks who love and believe each other and support one another to fulfill those things. The bad news is that a lot of us lack the skills or the equipment needed to build the kind of relationships needed to do that, not just in our professional lives but also in our personal lives. One of the things that rob us of that ability is sabotage.

I wrote a book about it. It’s an amazing study. My book is perhaps the most comprehensive study on the subject. I was a victim of it. I had clients who were victims of it. I went on an interview tour, this meeting with leaders, and heard story after story of personal and professional sabotage. I unpack all of the lessons that I learned. Nobody wakes up or wakes up this morning and says, “I want to have a mediocre relationship. It is fantastic that I am in an abusive relationship. This is exactly the place I would dream I would be. The person who called my spouse or my life partner consistently throws me under the bus. I love it.”

People find themselves in those relationships. When we were kids, we told ourselves that we would be married to prince charming or the queen of the world, that somebody would be supportive of us, that we would find that person who would propel us forward and we to them, that they would give me back the love that I have given to them. Over the duration of life, something happens that resets our expectations.

That is, we experience the realities of betrayal, theft, and deceit and do not have the tools to address those different things that steal our dreams from us. It allows that sabotage to become an expectation that we have in our own lives. It also becomes an expectation that we inadvertently introduce into the relationships that we build. I want to talk about how we get over that hump. Let’s talk about a practical definition of what sabotage is and what it seeks to take from our pursuit of building meaningful relationships that help us get after our dreams.

I love that you mentioned that about the expectations because the high expectation is a form of self-sabotage too. Knowing that you can never achieve it also keeps you safe. It’s like, “That can’t happen anyway.” The pendulum effect occurs, and you make go all the way to the other side and then do things to sabotage it anyway. I definitely want to dive into that but before that, I was curious because you sprinkled upon your own experiences with self-sabotage. Our own stories shape us. Were there significant things that happened to you along the way with self-sabotage that got you to that point where like, “I need to do something?”

My story is interesting. It pains me to talk about it every time because of how jarring the experience was but I’m not regrettable about having it because it led me to study its behavior. Around 2012, my company, communications consultancy, was doing great. In my standard, we were making a lot of money. I sat down with my wife and said, “It’s just the two of us. I want to build a family with you. I want to make sure that our child has the best school system possible,” which means we need to prepare to move to a better neighborhood and have a larger home. We built out a plan to do that.

TCQ 226 | Dating Self Sabotage
Sabotage: Leadership that Overcomes Betrayal, Theft and Deceit

One of the plans for doing that with strategies was to start acquiring other communications consultancies. I got a phone call from a friend of mine who said, “One of my mentors has a guy who’s looking to sell his company.” It happens to be a pretty reputable company. I knew of the company, and it had some things about it that were attractive to me. I said, “Let’s do it.” We met. We hit it off. He was an older stately guy. I allow myself to be put in a mentor-mentee relationship with him. What I was after was achieving my personal goals, and I needed money to do those things. I needed money to move and to buy that house.

This was an opportunity to provide me with an experience that would lead to an additional million dollars to my net worth. I said, “Let’s take it.” He called, and I answered the phone. I said, “I have to endure this mentor-mentee relationship.” It became a very imbalanced relationship. I endured it because of the end. I said, “I can survive this because I can get to the end.”

One of the things that were bad about that imbalanced relationship, I tricked myself into starting taking poor advice from the imbalanced relationship. Now we’ve started to do things that impacted my life. The bad advice was, “If you are going to buy this company, I don’t want you to buy the debt. Why don’t you buy the assets? You will establish a third company with me. This is the company you will buy and start putting your monies into this third entity.”

It’s called an asset sale. It’s a real thing. My legal counsel said, “It’s not time to do this. It’s premature. We are still doing due diligence,” but I believe so much in the reality of the gold mine at the end of this tunnel that I jumped to it and started taking this poor advice. I started putting money into this third entity, paying money, and merging our staff together. In about 2 or 1.5 years, I put a lot of money into doing the due diligence. I get a call from our attorney. I go to his office and he says, “That third entity doesn’t exist. Where is your money going?”

It was a gut check, and it was a lot of money that I had put into this company that never was. Now was time to separate. My saboteur revealed himself for who he was as a bully. Bullying is a type of saboteurs, which I will talk about before we close. He refused to sign the separation papers. I remember sitting in his office with him, and this was the last conversation we had face to face. He said, “You are going to keep giving me your money because it’s my money.” I told him, “I’m not.” He was a well-connected guy with a lot of political connections. He said, “If you choose not to give me any more of my money, I’m going to kill your wife.”

He leans back in his chair and looks into the sky. He started pointing in the air and said, “I’m going to tell you how I’m going to do it. If you don’t want to give me any more of your money, this is how I’m going to kill your wife. I am going to call the buddies that I have down at the police department. I’m going to get trumped-up charges against you. I know if they arrest you, you have the money to get out because that’s not what matters. You got my money. You can bail yourself out.” He said it jokingly.

He said, “What I want to do is get a mugshot of you so that I can circulate it all around town and blackball you from the business world. It’s going to do two things to your wife. It’s going to embarrass her because her friends are going to know she’s married to a crook. The second thing is going to do going to rob your home and your dreams of the finances that you need to grow. We are going to suffocate the life out of your personal relationship.”

It’s like a movie. I cannot believe that happened.

Sabotage doesn't have to stop you or limit you from reaching the dreams you have for yourself. Click To Tweet

I fought back, survived, and had the means to do it, the incredible legal support to do it. My staff and team members were incredible. They stuck with me throughout the separation, all of the threats, and everything that was happening. My company stayed intact. My clients stayed with me but most importantly, I chose a wife who supported my dreams. She supported me through it all, and that’s the foundation of getting up again and pursuing something else. We are better for it. We now have that house and the school system.

We now have that little baby. Her name is Kenny. My story is a testament to what you can achieve and realize once you understand that sabotage in the form of betrayal, death, deceit or any other form. It’s overcomeable, and it doesn’t have to stop or limit you from reaching the dreams that you have for yourself. Use me as an example if there’s ever any doubt that you can’t get out of that abusive relationship and be okay, on the other hand.

You said something really interesting embedded in your story, “I saw the signs but I’m going to survive. I’m going to do this.” How many times, especially when you are used to being in sabotaging situations, do you stay in something? I find that a lot of times, there’s this people-pleasing thing that goes along with sabotage that it’s like, “I want to make it okay. I’m going to make this work.”

It’s partly why a lot of people stay in abusive relationships because it also means that if anyone knows in this fails that I failed. It’s that fighting thing that you want. That struck me. That happens a lot with dating and relationships. The other thing that you said is that, in the end, you fought. You saw that you deserve something better. There are so many times that people fall victim, and then they thrive on being the victim.

I chose myself. It’s easy to choose the money, business, relationship, and politics, the political influence that you could gain. What does it matter if you lose yourself? That was a realization for me. It helped me to realize that, “If I am okay, then we are okay. Everything that I touch is okay.” It stops you from positioning yourself to acquire the tools of the saboteurs and becoming a self-saboteur and start using them against yourself.

The reality is that sabotage happens in our lives because other people do things to us but it is equally true that most of us sabotage the betrayal, theft, and deceit happen because we sabotage ourselves, and we choose relationships where we allow ourselves to be sabotaged. There are four things that people can look for whenever they want to identify whether sabotages in our lives or cultural.

What are those signs?

There are four things that if you are out looking for available to building relationships that support your dreams, to know that you are in a place where you are probably vulnerable to sabotage, that you can physically see. What I’m about to say next gives you the equipment. It’s almost a superpower to see betrayal, theft, and deceit before it comes into your life.

TCQ 226 | Dating Self Sabotage
Dating Self Sabotage: Arrogance is a force that’s driven by ambition to the point that it has a lack of regard and self-awareness for how their activities impact those around them.

What I’ve learned in my study, and it’s in the book, we call these the Four Horsemen of Sabotage. It’s not in any particular order. The first horseman is jealousy. If there is someone in your life, around your network or in a relationship with you, and you may be that person who says, “Why is it that Jane always gets A, B and C? Did you see what the neighbor did? They just bought a new car. They can’t afford that.” That happens. What you are confronting is the horsemen of jealousy. Jealousy is a hatred disguise that’s anything but. It is I hate that this person is gaining things because life is a fixed path.

For my audience, “Why does she get the guy? She doesn’t even look that great. Why is he getting all the women? What does he got that I don’t?”

Even worse, “Why do you think you are so hot? Nobody else wants you. I’m in a relationship with you, and I say that.” What I’m doing is creating an environment where there is a zero-sum game for you that you try to get you not to leave because that’s one less person who will accept me. I will sabotage you. If that person gets the girl at the party, then there are less women for him to have. It’s a fixed path mentality. Jealousy is the most misunderstood of the four horsemen because we think we know it but they are actually levels of jealousy.

If we don’t address it and it is rude, then it becomes covetousness, which these are these activities that give action to those words. I will give you two examples. One example is a person in your circle saying to you because they are jealous, “You don’t need to pursue that new opportunity or that new job, go to that place or go out to get a better guy.” If it’s not addressed, it escalates to covetousness where now I literally start hiding events from you, places for you to meet new guys. I started physically cold. At the end of the day, that saboteur will wake up, literally go out and do that thing that there’s telling you not to do.

I always say if you don’t have a good set of wing gals of wing guys, “Just because they are single doesn’t mean that they are good for you either because they could sabotage your singleness.”

Part of the role of saboteurs one way in the book is to become a trusted advisor to you and almost a gatekeeper of opportunities to you, “Do you think I need to wear this? Do you think I need it?” That is a position that a lot of saboteurs want to be in so that they can seek to limit you. The other horsemen are arrogance, and that needs no introduction. It introduces itself.

It is a force that’s driven by ambition, to the point that it has a lack of regard and self-awareness for how its activities impact those around them. It’s all about getting to that next level, next thing, and next conquest. If you find yourself in a position with someone who is arrogant, you will know it because they perceive any criticism as a personal affront.

AKA, narcissists. You say it, and I diagnose it.

The cure to reducing disappointment in your life is to assign our expectations and then get our expectations out of those banks and put them in our own control. Click To Tweet

The other horseman is lying. That kind of dishonesty has levels. There’s a lie to say, “Don’t look at me. I want to keep doing what I need to do. I want to preserve my present here.” That’s one form. The other form of lying is lying to harm others. There are two for their levels of lying. Lying as a force, we know what that is. I don’t believe that there’s no such thing as a small lie. They are all big because they position you to make decisions with inadequate or insufficient information.

It’s hard for you to make decisions about what things you want to pursue in a relationship with somebody else because they are not giving you the adequate information needed to make those decisions. Ultimately, you end up sacrificing or sabotaging the pursuits that you have together in your relationship because that person is withholding or not giving you accurate information.

People ask me all the time, “What are the signs of a narcissist? What are the signs of someone who’s emotionally unavailable?” There’s a lot of truth to discover the dynamics of some of that.

The last of the four horsemen is seduction. It is a force of sabotage. Seducers, whether it be intimate or platonic, exist to invite us into something exhilarating. To do that, I have to be welled-manicured, have a grand story, and have to do things that speak to what your interests are. I’m not really intrigued by what we are doing more so than I am intrigued by these saboteurs who are driven by seduction. They love getting you to go along for the ride with them. That’s the entire rule here.

It’s like a high for them.

You find people who in relationships always have to go after the next conquest because it’s not about the destination for them. They also don’t believe that the eons are justified by the means. It is, however, we get there. The more salacious it is, the closer it gets to being an ethical, the closer it gets to getting you to do something outside of your value principles or your set of values, and the more intoxicated this force becomes because it’s more of a challenge to get you to say, “Yes, I will get in that car and go with you.”

With all of those four things that you said, I love that, jealousy, arrogance, lying, and seduction. As a therapist, I’ve read this, and it’s like, at the end of the day, there’s an emptiness with people who do that. They do these things to try to fill a void that’s deep inside, and the motivation is to feel something or get something that they never had early on. It’s powerful.

There are eight motivations for sabotage. I will share with you the two of them. That speaks to what you said. One is imaginative ideation. People curated these little grand personas that they have to hold together with the glue of lies because if they are found out, then you will see them for who they really are. “I have to continue to lead you on these trails or get you to go on my ride, so my journey as a seducer.” Continue to give you insufficient information or continue to get in a position of advisor to you to rob you of opportunities for fear that you may get the lenses to see the inadequacies in my life. That’s one.

TCQ 226 | Dating Self Sabotage
Dating Self Sabotage: The way to avoid or minimize self-sabotage from your life is to curate a positive self-identity, to start seeing yourself as a winner and finisher, and as somebody who honors their commitments.

The other one is an act of altruism where they are people who believe that getting you not to do the things that you want to do is actually helping you. They are mission-driven. That’s a very strong force when they believe that, “You have to stay with me. If you leave, you will be nothing.” They believe it with so much conviction and if it propels forward a set of sabotaging behavior because they view it as a way of protecting you by keeping you. I was listening to one of your shows with a young lady on there about not being able to have or find and keep meaningful relationships.

She said something interesting to you during that show, “I can find great relationships but I have a hard time finding someone I can keep.” The word keep is important here like almost a collector of things and of people. We all want to keep starting things value. Sometimes those people who are prepared to sabotage by this act of altruism almost have convinced themselves that they need to keep you in their relationships and use betrayal, theft, and deceit to do that because it helps you.

I can hear some people taking notes and saying, “That’s me. I’ve met all these guys or girls like this.” They get to the point, “What do I do about it because I keep finding myself getting stuck in that loop?” Even like with your own journey, what would you say to people? How can they take steps to get out of something like this?

I’ve created what we call the spectrum of vulnerability to self-sabotage. The first thing is identifying where you are on that spectrum. What is it that is leading you to choose relationships or to remain in relationships with others or yourself that leads to you sacrificing or sabotaging the dream life you had as a child? There are a couple of things. One is self-doubt.

Why is it that you don’t believe in your own efficacy? It’s important to understand what lived experiences you have had. What relationship did you have with authority figures as a child that led you to not believe that you can do it alone? “I want to be in a relationship, not with someone who needs me but with someone who wants me but I have to first want myself.” It’s not easy. Believing in your abilities is that start. When you go along that spectrum, sometimes you may encounter fear of success.

We will stay where we are, and we will try to hold on to the ever-fleeting present because we are fearful of the unknown that comes with success. We are fearful of the responsibilities that come with greater. If I married someone else who’s equally as powerful and influential as I am, we now could be twice as much as I can do for myself but I’m scared of that place. I have to hold one of the parties back to keep us where we were when we first met.

Think about that. If we could find out what is making you fearful of that success, then we could diagnose it. The third is complacency keeping us from achieving our best lives. Complacency is a sitting in now, not pursuing greater or better for our lives because to get to that place where we can achieve greater, better, and have our best lives, takes us to a place where we don’t understand what’s required to be successful in it in that world.

We end up being complacent but I want to define complacent in a separate way of this being where you are. Complacency is defined as an over-index of self-satisfaction. We are self-satisfied. We become satisfied with who we are and what we have now that we sacrifice everything else. If you want to come into my life and get me to move to something else, I have to trip you up because I want to stay satisfied with where I am now.

As long as you know that disappointment is a reality that will happen inevitably, then you allow yourself not to be a victim of disappointment but a student within it. Click To Tweet

The first thing to do is figure out where you are on that spectrum and then diagnose it. The way to avoid or minimize self-sabotage from your life is to curate a positive self-identity, to start seeing yourself as a winner, a finisher, and as somebody who honors their commitments. In closing, it is important to note that of all the people you help, the one thing that’s going to keep them going forward, continuing to practice what you share with them and building meaningful relationships, is understanding that disappointment is a real thing, that you are going to be disappointed.

What disappointment is, and this is the last sort of few pages in my book, translates from a Latin perspective to ill appointed expectations. The cure to reducing disappointment in your life is identifying the things we are allowing to a point or assign our expectations and then getting our expectations out of those banks and putting them under our own control. There are three things that assign our expectations often. One is the lives of others. We look at what others do and say, “They are happy in their relationship. That’s what I need to be doing.” No, that’s what they do for their relationship. Doing that ultimately leads to disappointment.

The second one is making decisions based on fantasy and imagination. These are the folks who find themselves being consummate victims of catfish because they feel in the vacuums about why the car keeps breaking down when we are about to get together with fantasy and imagination. They tell themselves that, “This is the last time that she will abuse me or that he will hit me, and tomorrow he’s going to be prince charming, and she’s going to be the perfect person.” Those are imagination.

We allow ourselves to continue to be disappointed by sitting in that fantasy and that imagination. The third is inadequate information. We make decisions about life partners, personal or intimate partners without allowing ourselves to chance to get sufficient or adequate information to make decisions about the spouses or the people we choose in our lives.

I got to highlight that one. The reason why I’m punching that last one out is that it relates to people’s vetting process. I see this happen all the time on Bumble, Tinder and all that dating apps are what you said. They will take one little thing, and they will make a hypothesis, “There he is again. There she is again. I’m not touching that.”

It leads to disappointment. You are not alone. Ninety-eight percent of the people in the world are living lives that are less than their dream life, and the 2% have figured it out. This hopefully helps your audience remember to move closer to joining that 2%.

This helps so much. You have to make sure you get his book. This is fantastic stuff. The one last thing I will say about what you just said, dealing with disappointment, isn’t there a resiliency that comes from that too. If you learn to experience disappointment over and over again, that’s when you start saying, “That all doesn’t matter because I have myself.” It’s not anything but that.

As long as you know that disappointment is a reality that will happen inevitably, then you allow yourself not to be a victim of disappointment but a student within it. You will never be disappointed again, as long as you know that every time you have a chance to make a decision about the relationships you are building, it is also an opportunity for you to learn how to become a better version of yourself as you pursue the best version of your life.

You’ve had many gold nuggets here. I would love for you to share with everyone how can they find you. How can they get your book and all of that stuff? is how you can learn about the book. You can click Buy Now, and it takes you to Amazon. There’s an audiobook, eBook, and paperback version. On the website, you can also do something else. You can also get time on my calendar, 30 minutes, no strings attached, just to call me and to share with me some of the barriers or obstacles that are in your life that are stopping you from doing bold and audacious things. One of those things may be building relationships. I will share with you the benefit of my nearly many years of experience and my study of betrayal, death, and deceit to be your caddy for unlocking that dream life.

Thank you so much for coming on and sharing all your wisdom. I could go on and on with you. This is great. We will probably have you back on again because there’s so much more to unpack too. Definitely, pick up his book.

Thank you so much for having me, Kim. It has been a joy.

Thanks for joining me, readers. This is The Charisma Quotient. Remember, you can build confidence, make connections and find love from the outside in. Make sure you go to my website If you want us to stop self-sabotaging behaviors and attract healthy love, sign up first with Brandon, then hop over and do a call with me. You got a 1 or 2-punch. You will get lots of juicy tips, and I will help you build out a roadmap and a love plan that can build out your own dating network and love life. It starts with you, and working on you is working on your dating life. That’s all for now.


 Important Links

The Charisma Quotient Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and many of your other favorite podcast channels.

Kimmy Seltzer is a Confidence Therapist and Authentic Dating Strategist implementing targeted style, emotional and social intelligence to your life.

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About the Author Kim

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