Watch the episode here
Listen to the podcast here
Are you noticing a pattern of failed relationships and dates in your life? If so, your subconscious mind may be sabotaging your dating life. Jay Noland is here to speak on just how this happens and what you can do to overcome it. Jay is a former professional baseball player and now a keynote motivational speaker for over 25 years and a life confidence coach. His work focuses on helping people maximize their potential by harnessing the power of their subconscious minds. Joining host Kimmy Seltzer, Jay shares his experiences and how his past trauma contributed to a failed marriage. Jay figured out the deep-rooted cause for all this, conquered it, and is now happily married to his soulmate. Don’t let past experiences and unhealthy thoughts sabotage your dating life much longer. Tune in to this episode and discover how you can bring your conscious desires into your subconscious and start living the way you want.
Stop Sabotaging Your Dating Life By Conquering Your Subconscious Mind With Jay Noland
Are the same disappointing results happening in every romantic relationship of yours are versions of the same drama or person recycled as each new potential partner shows up despite your best efforts to attract someone differently? You will say to yourself, “This time he or she will be different. She is the opposite of my ex.” Yet, in the end, you unzip the costume and it’s the same person on the inside.
If this resonates with you, you have to recognize that your all-powerful subconscious mind is running your love life. Here is what you got to know. Your subconscious mind runs 95% of your life. It regularly hijacks your conscious mind, the part of you that decides things. If your conscious mind is telling yourself, “You’re finally ready for a real and steady partner,” but your subconscious says, “How is this every imprint of all the times you opened yourself up to love and it backfired?” You’re not only going to pair up with someone for an abundance of reasons or excuses that might not be known to you.
I have talked about this before but to remind you, there is a psychological term called the familiarity principle. What that is that you will always fall back to what is familiar to you that is imprinted in your subconscious mind, good, bad or indifferent. It’s the brain’s way of saying, “I know this. This feels familiar.” You go back to what you know.
This is how the subconscious overrides your conscious mind’s desires. You’re going to keep going on dates and not being attracted to anyone or you will pick someone who is not serious about intimacy. You might wonder, “Why is this pattern keep happening?” It’s how your subconscious throws up roadblocks so you don’t get burned again. Its main job is to keep you safe and happy from past experiences stored away. It tries to keep you in your comfort zone because there are no unknown variables in the status quo. It’s predictable but it’s also keeping you stagnant.
It’s incredibly powerful in our system that is often at odds and taking risks, being courageous and trying something new but that is not easy. We always want to stay in comfort but no one changes staying in a state of comfort. You only change when you’re uncomfortable. It deduces that you being single is what’s going to accomplish that feat of safety. You’re most likely not going to fall for anyone or if you do, it’s going to Peter out.
I remember working with a client. In her childhood, she had a father who was emotionally abusive and unavailable. Naturally, fast forward, every relationship she had was with men who were critical or emotionally unavailable. She found herself constantly attracted to men who would eventually go stir. It would be hot and heavy in the beginning. They would be nowhere afterward. The available ones, she found boring.
We started working together and I told her that she was not allowed to get into a relationship at the beginning of our coaching together. Instead, do something that I call data dating. She needed to date up a storm, take notes, do my chemistry analysis and learn about her system and unconscious. What happened is she fought me in the beginning. She was like, “I’m not attracted to these guys. I don’t want to go out with them.” I said, “This is like shopping. You don’t have to marry them. They’re not your boyfriend. Try on different dresses and see what fits.”
One day, she started interacting with a man and an amazing conversation started happening. She was like, “Kimmy, I never felt this way in an exchange before.” She would laugh with him and found him engaging and present. She almost didn’t trust it. We talked about the chemistry that she normally goes for, which is usually the physical part. Usually, the guys that she would fall for had no emotional intelligence whatsoever.
This guy had a lot of emotional intelligence. I made her go out with him, even though she wasn’t physically attracted to him. She said, “That is the best date I have ever had.” That guy became her long-term boyfriend. It was a man who wasn’t her type. The truth was that her type wasn’t working for her. It was for her unconscious mind to replay the old toxic tape but she was willing to do the work, break the pattern and create a relationship that was emotionally available and reciprocal.People have no clue overall how important it is to conquer your subconscious mind. Click To Tweet
What you believe within you, you create outside you. There are ways you can partner with your subconscious mind. There are specific actions that can create alignment within you. With me in this episode is a smart guy. He is amazing. He is going to help you with that former professional baseball player and author of the bestselling book, The Power of a Woman From The Perspective of Real Men.
He has been a sales trainer and keynotes motivational speaker for many years, helping people maximize their potential by harnessing the power of their subconscious minds. As an entrepreneur with his business, he has always focused on giving back to those in need and helping different causes around the world. With his company, MYB Publishing, he is introducing a new special universal edition of the book, The Science of Getting Rich. Welcome, Jay Noland.
I’m glad to be here. I love how you opened this up. You got this setup perfectly. From a baseball term, the bases are loaded and here comes the fastball right down the middle. Let’s knock this out of the park.
I’ll try to pitch you the best I can without throwing a curve ball at you. We connected on Clubhouse and it was so long ago but you were memorable. This is what I always tell people. Especially when it comes to dating, it’s the same thing. You dropped these amazing bombs. I’m like, “I have to get in contact with this guy.” Whatever you said, Alyssa did an emotional response in me. I’m happy to have you. I’m learning more about you as we were talking off-air. I would love to hear your story. How did you get into all of this and even get into the subconscious mind focus?
I grew up in Kentucky. I’m a country boy. I came on a home farm. I grew up all slopping homes. I’m traveling all over the world. I have an opportunity to play professional baseball. I have been involved as an entrepreneur going on for several years post-baseball. I had to get out into the real world. That’s what forced me to start to have to deal with my subconscious mind because I wanted to be an entrepreneur, have my business and be able to dictate my life.
I started finding out that my level of personal growth was determining the success or the lack thereof of my businesses. I went all in. I was introduced to Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I studied that book. I’m one of three people that has their co-branded version, sanctioned by the Napoleon Hill Foundation App, Think and Grow Rich, because I dove into it like I played ball. The discipline that I had to play professional sports to become a professional athlete, I put that same discipline into entrepreneurship but more importantly, into personal growth and specifically into mastering my subconscious mind.
It has been interesting talking to other athletes who have a similar focus as you. Was there ever a time that you hit rock bottom and it didn’t work? Most people read this and they were like, “That’s easy for him to say because he is this famous guy. He had a focus and talent.”
If you’re great, you’re still failing 70% of the time. If you can get 3 hits out of 10, they pay you millions of dollars, which means you’re failing 70%. There are a lot of failures. I did a video on my TikTok where I asked, “Would you like to make professional athlete income?” Everybody says, “Yes.” I said, “Most people think that professional athletes get paid to play a game.” They don’t. That’s just a by-product. You get paid to perform under pressure. That’s the reason you get paid.
I had a whole bunch of rock bottoms like when I lost my career. My roommate in 1995 was Alex Rodriguez. I’m about to play next to Ken Griffey Jr. Here I am, reaching my dream and then I blow my elbow out, rock bottom. I was seeing a psychologist. I was diagnosed as a manic-depressant. They put me on Zoloft. I’m taking these depression-type medications because I was so low.
That went on for about a couple of months. A friend introduced me to the book Think and Grow Rich. I don’t recommend anybody else do this on your dime but I stopped seeing the psychologist and taking drugs. I got busy filling my mind with building my subconscious mind. It changed everything. I haven’t had to take a drug and see a psychologist since. I have more rock bottoms but I know how to be happy. It’s like on-demand.
I want to get into that because I want to hear how you do that and if there are some steps other people can take. I love what you said about rejection and failure. You have to experience it so much. Even with dating, everybody experienced rejection. I see it more as experience and resilience because the more you do it, the more you get resilient. I wondered, for you, did it take a succession of times to keep failing until you are like, “I embrace it?”
I got married and got divorced. Who knows how to have a relationship anyway? In school, grades 1 to 12 are 14,000 hours if you do the math. What classes do you have? How many of us would have loved to have a Kimmy class that would teach us, “Here are the things you need to go through?” That is why I love this show because I’m like, “Kimmy is teaching people how to have a relationship.” It’s going to keep people together rather than apart. Nobody taught.
I had a failed marriage, tried to do my best to make it work and stayed in a way too long for guilt but I found my soulmate once I stopped settling. I have been remarried for ten years in November 2022. My ex didn’t want to have kids. My wife and I got a beautiful son. I believe that all came from me telling you, “Conquering what I believe is critical,” as my subconscious mind. People have no clue overall how important that is. I’m glad you’re bringing attention to it.
How do you go about doing that? What are some steps that people can take? When you’re in that rock bottom or in that state of rejection and feeling awful or the victim mentality, it’s hard to lift yourself.
If you look at the great philosopher Aristotle, he said, “Give me a child until they’re seven and I will show you the adult.” Why did he say that? It’s because of what happens to you from 0 to 7. It has been scientifically proven that from 0 to 7, your predominant subconscious mind is set up to run the rest of your life. We got all of these adults running around thinking, “You can’t tell me nothing. I know what I’m saying. I’m thinking the way I want to think. This is my stuff.” It’s not. It’s your seven-year-old self telling you what to do.
Here is the problem or the challenge with that. I had no control over what happened to us from 0 to 7. Our environments, parents, what kind of chaos and most people have some type of trauma, even that early on. When I learned that, I said, “What can I do?” There are two approaches. You didn’t have the bull rush approach, which is affirmations and auto-suggestion, where you can get up first thing in the morning and say a positive affirmation. Before you go to bed at night, it’s critical you do that.
Why? The most important one is when you first wake up because of where your brain wave is operating. Your brainwaves work from 0 to 4 hertz per second. They call that delta. That is where you heal, grow and restore. That is why it’s important to get a good deep delta sleep. Hardly anybody gets one. That is why people, in my opinion, die too early.
When you go from 4 to 8 hertz per second, you go into theta. It’s like a hypnotic state. When you turn two years of age, you move into theta. 0 to 2, you’re in delta. That’s why you grow a lot. You get 2 to 7 and you are in theta, hypnotic state. That is why if I asked you, “What were you doing when you were 3 years old here or 4 years old there?” People were like, “I don’t remember.” You were in a hypnotic state but your brain was absorbing everything.If you just start thinking right, and stop beating yourself up, that person is going to appear. Click To Tweet
The subconscious mind was getting everything. That is why like my son, he is bilingual. My wife is from Colombia. He goes in and out of languages, no problem. Spanish or English, no problem. Why? At seven years old, he is in theta still. What we do is we take that information. I learned it was called brainwave entrainment, where I put on a set of headphones with the correct brainwaves, the right music and the right sounds and I can condition my waves to be able to program them the way I want specifically.
Did you do this when you attracted your wife? Did you use some of these tools?
I got a platform that is involved with love and it’s a trip. I can wait for you to try it out.
I’m not only going to try it out. I will tell everyone about it. I know everybody was into it again. We got this cool thing that is helping with the brainwaves. Is there another step that people take after that if they’re in that state?
I’m doing a course. It’s going to be out. It’s called Trauma Detox Now. Here’s what happened. I’m on Clubhouse for several years in some high-level rooms. We did a couple of women’s rooms for 24 hours, 1 for 72 straight hours for 3 straight days. The dominant thing I found during my time on the platform is that almost every single person is dealing with some type of trauma. If you let people talk, which is what I love about that platform, let them talk. You’re going to find out.
Eventually, people come out and start crying and talk about something that happened to them in their past. I’m like, “People probably need to deal with the trauma first.” I got a program if somebody wants to go, “The brainwave thing may be a little different for me. Here’s a video program that I will walk you through.” What I do and did for me is I put my headphones on every morning. I will give you a quick sample.
You might think you hear incredible music, which is we do have that. Inside that tone is a certain theta wave and that is for positivity. We program, which I know how to do, specific waves and that one, I want to be theta because I wanted to get in there deep. I want to do positivity but I created a foundation platform that has three phases. You put your headphones on once or twice a day. It’s only eleven minutes. The first one is called Deep Restore. It deals with trauma in the past.
My trauma was my dad shot himself when I was seven. He lived through it. I don’t even think you knew that. He did it in front of my mother with me close by. It’s very traumatic. I made it through it because my grandparents helped me. Several years came in and I want to I asked my dad, “Why did you want to leave me?” Every time I looked at him all these years, even though we would get close, I would go, “Why did you want to leave me when I was little?” Finally, I got the guts up and I asked him.
I send them my kids and I’m about 47 or 48 years old. I go, “Dad, that time you shot yourself, why did you want to leave me?” He put his hand down and looked up. His eyes were full of water and tears. He goes, “Son, I was being young, dumb and stupid. I was trying to keep your mama from leaving me.” He walks over, grabs me, squeezes me and says, “I’m sorry.”
That put me into an aware state. I was like, “He didn’t know what he was doing.” I wanted to go figure it out. Even though I went to do it with my daddy, he gave me some relief. Why do I have this thing of me with my dad and my mom? She left and abandoned me the next year because she was trying to get away from my dad. I had this bitterness in me. I built the program for myself.
People ask me all the time. “How powerful is it?” I say, “After 21 days, I had no more of that bitterness. It went from bitterness to empathy and understanding to my dad. Our relationship is like that. All that bitterness with my mom leaving and that abandonment went away.” I built a three-phase, Deeper Restore. I built entering. You enter it. I built an Elevate. You can start to experience the way you’re supposed to be thinking subconsciously. That’s my foundation program. Other people can use it if they like.
Thank you for sharing that, the vulnerability of your past and even what you shared in the beginning and how you stayed in that relationship longer than you should have. It was hard for you to let go. There is a lot of correlation with people who have had abandonment. Stuff goes on. You’re staying in things too long because you don’t want to experience that abandonment again. This is a subconscious thing.
What I love about what your program does is we can sit here and talk about it but there is something that also needs to happen in the body that regulates and shifts patterns, whether it’s using the tools that you have and the things that I incorporate in my coaching. That puts people in a state of action that’s different. It’s breaking a pattern of some sort. It’s so interesting and powerful. I’m going to segue into something funny and quirky. Can you program these things into any state like if someone wants to feel sexy and attractive?
Yes. We get some of that stuff. When you go to ConfidenceTones.com, you can see I got different pillars. I have Six Pillars. It is pretty much dial-up what you want in these Six Pillars. Six Pillars deal with your Social, Emotional, Mental, Physical, Financial and Spiritual. It got four modules each. One covers whatever is going on in your life.
Had I known that you have this program? I did a retreat called Spark Your Sexy with these women. Every time they would enter the room, I would put on Latin music and have them dance. We did salsa dancing but it was the repetition.
How do they respond?
It was amazing. When I didn’t have it on day three, they were like, “Kimmy, where’s the music?” I had created monsters. They had cat ears on and red lips doing the catwalk.
I was sitting there and went to my social platform. I got a tone called Attract, Finding Your Soulmate. I got one called Cheer, Finding Happiness Inside of That. Another one is called Tantalizing Libido. I got one call, Amore, Love Life Support. That is inside of the Social. I was looking at that. I was going, “This is making me think here.”The only time there is is now. Click To Tweet
On another note, I wondered, are there ways that also the subconscious mind can sabotage things? I wondered if you’ve experienced that and how you help people get over that because sometimes people are programmed into sabotaging themselves.
When you think about the 0 to 7 thing and you went through when I went through, I believe that’s why my relationships always fail. I would attract arguments. Things will start and be going well. You figure out a way to self-sabotage yourself. What I understood is that 95% of our whole life was being run by our subconscious mind if we can get that to get into agreement with what we want.
People said, “What do you do the best?” I help people get the subconscious mind to believe what their conscious mind wants. If you say, “I want this type of person in my life,” if you start thinking right, that person is going to appear. It’s almost guaranteed. If you start thinking right and stop beating yourself up, that person is going to appear. Here’s the challenge. Once they appear, do you have the subconscious maturity to see them?
A lot of times, they appeared with that young lady. She couldn’t see it because her subconscious was throwing all these bullets out. If you get involved in what Kim and I are talking about here and you got to have somebody coaching you along and add some of these other tools, when they appear, you will see them and take the right actions. That’s what I do. I got my soulmate.
Do you do a visualization with that too? When you will say it out loud and you have the intention, did you also see it?
Yes. You have to visualize what that person is. You can almost dial this in. We did this book, The Science of Getting Rich. The reason we redid that book is that Wallace D. Wattles was way ahead of his time. In 1910, he wrote his book. Rhonda Byrne says that the reason that she created The Secret is that that book took her 90 minutes. Did you know that?
I did not.
That’s the secret behind The Secret. She said that in 2004, she read that book in 90 minutes. It immediately inspired her to create The Secret.
I feel like money and love are intertwined in having the abundance mindset in dating and relationships and you apply that concept to relationships.
What he teaches in the book is, “There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, which in its original state permeates, penetrates and fills the inner spaces of the universe. A thought can press a bond. This substance creates the thing that is imagined by the thought. Humans can create things in their thoughts. Thus, having them come to form if they impress them and hold them on this formula substance.”
I talk some big words because I’m talking 1910 language, “The thinking stuff is what everything is made of. It’s an energy and you got to decide as monistic.” It means everything is connected, this computer, microphones. “Now that is connected and you understand that, whatever you think this energy, you can see it all around you. It is constantly trying to create and multiply. All you have to do is look at the grass. It’s not happy being one blade.” You can put a little bit of seed and grass down. You leave it. It’s going to multiply. You put a tree. It is going to grow and produce more seeds to create more trees. It doesn’t feel guilty.
We, as human beings, somebody has taught us to feel guilty by being prosperous, having an abundance and being happy. That is against this thinking stuff. If you start thinking right in what he calls a certain way and you go, “Everything I think is going to come to be,” this thinking stuff permeates everywhere, which means, good or bad, it’s going to happen.
For most people, when they don’t listen to training like Kimmy has given, you’re not going to be thinking right. You’re going to keep attracting the wrong person into your life because your thoughts are constantly impressed upon this thinking stuff. I’m going to bring it down to you. The thinking stuff is the air. How can you get away from the air? People go, “For real?” I go, “Can you see the wind?” They go, “No.” I said, “Is it there?” They go, “Yes.” I said, “How do you know?” They go, “I can feel it.” “What’s wind made up of?” “Air.” Air is everywhere. You can’t get away from the air. Air got an energy that creates whatever we think. What’s Kimmy thinking?
I am thinking of relaxation, happiness and energy.
Think of nothing else other than happiness, relaxation and great energy. What is it that we have a total of if we think of nothing but that? That’s it. We have just that. He says, “The only time there is, is now.” If I think like that and all of a sudden something happens and I get caught off guard a little bit, he goes, “Cast that aside as a sin. Come right back to now.”
I don’t know if you’ve heard me talk about this but this is something I hone in on all the time. When a lot of people walk into a room or a date, they are riddled with stuff that is going on in their head that they forget to be in the present and connect with the person in front of them which takes them out of the connection.
That’s why they come back from an interaction or date, “I didn’t feel the chemistry or anything.” It’s because you weren’t in it. You’re riddled with things that are going on from your past or worried about what other things are happening in the future that you’re not in now. When you talked about that, that is huge. Breathe the air and feel the happiness and positivity.
I’m here now. I’m with Kimmy on this show. I love being here. I’m with this powerhouse woman with this great show and I’m so happy. I have no time for anything else. I’m now with you. When I get done talking with you here, I’m going to keep myself in a similar state, no matter what. If I were to go on a date, I would be sitting there thinking, “Kimmy is talking about dating.”If you want the soulmate to show up, you got to become your own soulmate first. Click To Tweet
If I was going on a date and I stayed in that state, I don’t have to give my power to somebody else. I can have a blast right there. I don’t have to feel insecure, even if I’m like, “I’m not attracted to them but I’m here now. I’m happy and I’m loving this.” You don’t have to fall for them but you have to have a great time. That is going to increase your chances of who comes to you. If you want the soulmate to show up, you got to become your own soulmate first. That is inspired by Coach Kimmy.
To playback to a lot of stuff of what you said is that because you are present and I feel your energy, it inspires me to be as energetic and positive. That’s how dating is. That’s how relationships are. It is a give and take. It’s a dance between two people. I could go on and on with you. I’m like looking at the time like, “How did we get here already?” Jay, I’m going to have to have you back for sure. You are awesome. You had many gold nuggets here. Are there any parting words of wisdom that you want to leave everyone with? Please, let everyone know where we can find this beautiful stuff that you have.
If you go to ConfidenceTones.com, you can grab the tones. If you go to JayNolandMastery.com, you can see all the different stuff that I got, all the courses, materials and books. Everything is there. I came out with a new platform called XP Mentor, which got people like Forbes Riley working on the platform and Ricky Chainz. He got five million TikTok followers. They’re coming on. I got different mentors there, dropping different items of life. We’re going to be asked Kimmy to come in and drop some content and speak to some folks about dating because everybody needs it.
I came in here hot because I’m standing in the now. I didn’t come in here preparing. I’m here now going, “I’m inspired because what you do is critical.” I want to thank you and honor you. I’m in this moment. I love this vibration I have with you. I want everybody to feed on it. Don’t take this for granted when Kimmy is creating this type of space. Everyone needs to support your space by using your materials, spreading the word and making some deposits. That way, you can make some withdrawals. I want to deposit it into you. That’s going to create greatness for me. Thank you, Kimmy.
Thank you so much, Jay. I feel the same about you. Thank you for your inspiration and motivation. Your stories are inspirational too. Thank you for joining me. Remember, you can build confidence, make connections and find love from the outside in. If you want to know more, make sure you go to my site, KimmySeltzer.com. If you find yourself repeating bad dating patterns and want to override them to attract an abundant love life, hop on a call with me to help map out a plan to do that. Who knows? That one call could change the entire course of your life. Working on you is working on your dating life. That’s all for this episode.
- The Power of a Woman From The Perspective of Real Men
- MYB Publishing
- The Science of Getting Rich
- Think and Grow Rich
- Napoleon Hill Foundation App – Think and Grow Rich App
- TikTok – Jay Noland
- Six Pillars
- Spark Your Sexy
- The Secret
- XP Mentor
About Jay Noland
Jay Noland is an International Motivational Speaker, Author, Former Professional Athlete, Business Owner, Entrepreneur, Life Confidence Coach and NLP practitioner. Jay was born and raised in Winchester, Kentucky, where he attended school and continued his education in Florida. He is a spiritual man who has over 30 years of scholarly research.
Jay Noland started his entrepreneurial career in November 1995. He has since built multiple multi-milliondollar companies. His main focus is on helping people master their “subconscious mind” through different methods of “confidence training.” He believes “a strong person can do anything.” He believes in experiencing life all-out, all the time, and he believes in anyone who is willing to take steps to believe in themselves.
He says true success is mastering the 6 pillars of life. The 6 pillars are emotional, mental, physical, social, financial, and spiritual.
Jay Noland is the author of the bestselling book, The Power of a Woman From the Perspective of Real Men. Jay has been an international sales trainer and keynote motivational speaker for over 25 years, helping people maximize their potential by harnessing the power of their subconscious mind. As an entrepreneur, with his businesses, he has always focused on giving back to those in need and helping different causes around the world. In his spare time, he studies ancient spiritual writings but always makes time for some bass fishing, watching a good ball game, and especially spending time with his wife and son at their home in Boca Raton, FL. And now with his company, MYB Publishing, has introduced a New Special Universal Edition of the book “The Science of Getting Rich.”
Jay Noland often talks about his early life while training. He had a tumultuous childhood but learned to overcome. He spent most of his childhood working on a hog farm with his Grandfather in Kentucky. He says his Grandmother, Ida Mae Noland, and Grandfather, Jim Willie Noland, are who inspired him to make the most out of his life even though they were poor growing up. He recollects in one of his trainings about how they always told him, “You can do anything.”
He was drafted by the San Diego Padres in 1988. During his career, he also played with the Colorado Rockies and Seattle Mariners. He won 2 Minor League Championships in 1991 and 1992 with San Diego Padres. He was the back-to-back Stolen Base League Champion in 1991 and 1992 as well. He signed his Major League Contract (MLB Invite) with Seattle Mariners in 1995. He retired from baseball due to a serious elbow injury in 1995.
Jay Noland believes strongly in philanthropy and has supported thousands of orphans in Kenya, Africa for over a decade, impoverished children and elderly in Colombia, supported battered women and children shelters in the USA, and also supported an indigenous women’s refuge in the USA. He believes in utilizing strong business principles in order to ultimately make an impact for good with humanity and the earth.