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Have you ever thought about surrendering to create love? That doesn’t mean compromising your values or letting someone else or external expectations dictate your future. Truly surrendering to love isn’t about losing yourself — it’s about showing up as your authentic self and letting your highest self guide your next move, one step at a time. This week on the show, Kimmy has an inspiring conversation with Kute Blackson, a celebrated, emerging thought leader in personal development and the author of The Magic of Surrender. If you have been searching for a sign to release yourself from the pressure of expectations or patterns that don’t serve your deepest desires, this episode will invite you to think differently.
If you are feeling the weight and pressure of external obligations and don’t feel that you are living and searching for love from a place of alignment, maybe it’s time to surrender. Reach out to Kimmy for a free 30-minute call here: https://meetme.so/kimbreakthrough when you are ready to do the work to uncover the kind of relationship you truly want, the power of surrender could be the key to leading you to where you want to be!
Surrendering To Create Real Love: Interview With Kute Blackson
In theory, the whole concept of complete surrender and love sounds romantic and blissful. It’s like a Disney cartoon, where the prince meets the princess for the first time and they fall head over heels in love at first sight. She surrenders by allowing him to scoop her up on his white horse as they ride into the sunset and live happily ever after. If we could only create love that way by surrendering, and if it was that easy as the princess did.
This is particularly true when you are dating someone new or in a young relationship. After all, doesn’t it feel amazing to give more than is required of you when you are madly in love and when you can completely let go and enjoy the honeymoon phase of courtship? Here’s the problem, you might lose yourself in the adrenaline rush like a drug. You might even overlook some of the red flags or negative emotions that could be there because you surrendered to what the other person wants and not yourself. You compromise your needs to sustain the high of the bliss.
I see this happen a lot. The truth is that surrendering isn’t about losing yourself and becoming something that you are not. It’s the opposite. Surrendering to true love demands paying attention to your own moods, your own emotions, your own needs and thoughts. If you tend to be an over-giver, a people pleaser or an over accommodator, you may think that being nice or pushing down your needs and emotions is going to make your date or your partner happy. That is what I call shapeshifting. You’ve heard me talk about this on the show a lot. It’s becoming what you think the other person wants of you rather than expressing what you want and showing people who you are.
On the flip side, here’s how it also can play out, you have difficulties relinquishing control in fear of losing yourself or not being good enough. You try to gain power and manage your anxiety by overproducing your relationship and dating life, or trying to be perfect. Whether you’re a shapeshifter or a perfectionist, it doesn’t matter. When you drop your defenses and let go of the outcome, that is the true surrender that will create real love by being your authentic self and attracting more reciprocal relationships.
There’s one of the more powerful stories I want to share with you before I bring my powerful guest. It’s a client who truly surrendered to finding love and this was years ago. She picked up the phone and it had been 23 years since she had dated. She was going through the motions, working and taking care of her kids. That was her life.
She got to the point where she was so fed up that she surrendered, called me up and said, “Kimmy, I’m at my wit’s end. If I don’t do something now, I never will.” She gave me her credit card and said, “I’m going big and I want to do it all.” She came and did an intensive with me. I did a makeover, a styling session, and a wing-gal session where I taught her how to flirt and go out into the field. We did deeper coaching. Because I’m a therapist, we got to the root of a lot of the problems.
The thing that showed up the minute I said hello to her was how much she was giving her power away. She kept saying, “I’m sorry,” for no reason. She kept excusing some of her behaviors as she was telling her story. The thing is that she was married to a narcissist. Her father was a narcissist. She kept giving her power away to men. She was attracting that. She was scared to move forward and attract that again.
I believe in working from the outside in. In this case, I could have sat down and done some Cognitive Therapy with her, but that’s not what she needed. She also had extreme body image issues and she didn’t see herself as beautiful. I had to get her to see herself as beautiful. We first go shopping and we walked towards the department store and she starts bawling. I said, “What’s up?” She says, “I’m so sorry but there’s something I didn’t tell you. I cover my mirrors at home and I haven’t seen myself in the mirror in ten years.” I said, “I get that. Thank you for sharing that with me.”
If I was a therapist, maybe we worked through that. I held her hand and she surrendered. I brought her through the store and said, “I want you to do me a favor. I want you to put on this jacket. I want you to put on these boots. I want you to give me five seconds in the mirror. That’s all.” She twirls around like Cinderella, looks in the mirror, and kept staring.
I said, “What’s going on?” Her eyes were tearing up again. She said, “Kimmy, I’ve never seen myself so beautiful.” We both started crying. I created a monster, quite honestly. We started skipping through the store and we were going shopping. She was changing with the door open. Talk about surrender. From there, we did a photoshoot. She saw herself as beautiful. She put the pictures online.Surrendering isn't about losing yourself and becoming something that you are not. It’s the opposite. Surrendering to true love demands paying attention to your own moods, emotions, needs, and thoughts. Click To Tweet
When she went back, she started dating up and she met the love of her life. I make it sound like another Disney cartoon, but the truth of the matter is it all started with surrendering, how she saw herself, moving into this beautiful woman, owning that piece of her, and surrendering to her fears. It created a healthy love with a man. He was not a narcissist, which was great.
If you want to inspire your love life to a higher level, to enjoy joy and peace like never before that demands total surrender, there is no better leader to help me talk about this stuff than this incredible guest I have with me. He is a beloved inspirational speaker, a transformational leader, and a teacher. He speaks at countless events. He organizes around the world as well as outside events including A-Fest, Young President’s Organization and Entrepreneurs’ Organization.
He is a member of the Transformational Leadership Council, a select group of 100 of the world’s foremost authorities in the personal development industry. He’s the winner of the 2019 Unity New Thought Walden award. He is widely considered a next-generation leader in the field of personal development, and you’ll know why. His mission is simple, to awaken and inspire people across the planet, to assess inner freedom, live authentically, and fulfill their true life’s purpose. Welcome, Kute Blackson.
Thanks for having me. I love that. What a rousing sermon.
To live up to all your beautiful sermons, I wanted to set the tone. I love this book that you have, The Magic of Surrender. That word is powerful. It’s in relation to what I do with people in love and what you do with people. I was excited. I know what’s in your bio but I don’t know all of you. I’d love to hear your personal journey and story, and how you got here.
I was born in Ghana, West Africa. My father is from Ghana. My mother is Japanese. I grew up in London from 3 to 18. We had to flee Ghana because of a bloody political coup. I’ve been living in the US. I feel like I’m a citizen of the world. I was always an empathetic kid. I felt people suffering deeply. There was always a part of me that wanted to alleviate people’s suffering in some way, and I didn’t know what that would look like. As a kid, I felt people deeply. I grew up in a mystical environment. People say it’s unusual but for me, it didn’t feel that unusual. It felt normal to me.
My first memory as a young boy was seeing a crippled woman crawling on the floor. She picks up this hand, and this man walks and wipes it on her face and stands up. Week after week, I grew up seeing what blind people see and what deaf people hear. The same man whose hands she picked up and look at a woman in a wheelchair and said, “Why are you in this wheelchair? You’re not sick. Stand up.” He put his hands on them and they would stand up. Incurable diseases are being cured.
This man was my father. He built 300 churches in Ghana, West Africa. He built a huge church in London, about 5,000 people every Sunday. He was a spiritual, metaphysical, and mystical teacher, less traditional religion. I was blessed to grow up in this mystical and spiritual environment. My speaking career began at age eight because I was so into my father’s audience. He said, “Speak.” That began my speaking.
At fourteen, I was ordained as a minister. I was given the mandate to take over my father’s organization, which was a big deal. I knew at that moment at fourteen that I wanted to help and impact people. I started reading all of these self-help books from a lot of the motivational self-help icons, the Eastern mystics, the Western mystics, everyone from Krishnamurti, Osho, Ramana Maharshi, Blavatsky, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, and Marianne Williamson. I became obsessed with this field of spirituality and personal development. I felt this calling that I wanted to go into this field.
The challenge was that my whole life was set out for me. I knew that wasn’t my path. My fear was that if I dared to be myself, dared to speak my truth, and dared to tell my father that I don’t want to take over his ministry, I would be alone, an outcast, abandoned, and left behind by the entire community. Many of us allow fear to hijack us. We allow fear to stop us from truly being who we are and doing what we’re meant to do in this lifetime. For four years, I said nothing. I went into a deep process of questioning, soul searching, turmoil, depression and conflict.
When I was eighteen, I had to make some decisions and this is also where my life began. I looked into my future and I chose not to go to university. I wanted to help people with life. I figured that if I want to help people with life, I have to live life. I felt this incredible calling to come to America. Sometimes, what your soul calls you to do doesn’t always make sense to your logic or your mind, and it’s certainly not convenient. I felt this calling, “Come to America. Go to California. Go to Los Angeles. This is where all of the authors live. Go find them. Go meet them. Go study with them. Go into that field.”
I knew no one. I didn’t come from a wealthy family. I have no college degree. My prospects don’t sound good. I looked into my future and I saw that I could follow the path that everyone expected, and I could be successful following my father’s path. I realize pretty quickly that you can’t be truly fulfilled and happy being someone that you’re not and living someone else’s life. No matter how successful I became following this path and the whole platter was laid out before me, what is success if I don’t have myself, if I don’t have my truth, if I don’t respect myself, and if I don’t have my integrity?
It felt like a soul suicide following this path. As I projected into the future, age 20, 30, 40 or 50, my soul died. I felt the pain of that. It was intense that I knew what I had to do. For me, that was speaking to my father, that was owning my life, and speaking my truth. That’s where the transformation began. My father was an iconic, old-school guy, someone you don’t speak to, someone I put on a pedestal. I knew it would break his heart. It broke my heart to break his heart.
It felt like I didn’t have a choice if I was going to truly live the life I was meant to. I was terrified and full of fear. Sometimes people say you’ve got to get rid of fear and be fearless. I was full of fear and I did it anyway. To cut a long story short, we didn’t speak for about two years after that, which was heartbreaking but it felt right. I was in the zone.
When you follow your soul and when you surrender to whatever your deepest and authentic truth is even if it doesn’t make sense to your mind and when you surrender truly and you don’t compromise, you know it, no matter what. Your soul will always guide you on the right path and you will always end up in the right place even if it doesn’t make sense at that moment.
I ended up winning a Green Card in the Green Card lottery, which was crazy. America doesn’t give away 55,000 Green Cards in the Green Card lottery. That is what enabled me to come to the US, two suitcases, eighteen years old, and $800 in my pocket. I knew no one in the country I showed up and found the teachers, the mentors, and many of these authors I’d been reading about, studied with, and went to their seminars.
As a few years went by, I got to a point where I felt like I wanted to know the truth for myself. I was tired of reading about someone else’s experience. I wanted to know what the truth was. I wanted to know the nature of reality. I wanted to know about faith, trust, surrender, and knowing who I am. That took me on a quest at a young age.
I ended up going to Israel to study with Rabbis, to Thailand to study with monks, and Bali and South America to study with shamans. I ended up in India, which had a huge impact on my life. I studied with mystics, monks and sages. It was out of that, that I felt such tremendous freedom. I ended up coming back to America and working with one person, one-on-one. One person came and got transformed. I had no idea what I was doing. The next person came and their lives transformed. Referrals started coming in.
Over the years, at those beginning stages, people started coming from around the world to work with me. I created a specific way of coaching people that was less about coaching and more about uncoaching people, untraining people, and un-conditioning people from the patterns of conditioning that we accumulate from childhood and throughout our entire lives.
Who we are is already whole, perfect and complete, but we get conditioned. I created this process of uncoaching, un-conditioning, and untraining people. My one-on-one practice exploded and blossomed and that grew into small groups, large groups, seminars, and writing books. My first book is You Are The One and my new book is The Magic of Surrender. That’s my story in a nutshell.When you drop your defenses and let go of the outcome, that is the true surrender that will create real love. By being your authentic self, you attract more reciprocal relationships. Click To Tweet
That’s an incredible story. There’s so much to unpack in that story. I love this uncoaching philosophy. It’s funny because I call myself a strategist these days more than a coach or a therapist. It’s breaking bad habits. We all develop patterns over time. At what point do we institute new strategies to get new habits? I simplify it and it sounds like you do too. I want to touch upon what you talked about that fear factor that happens when you were young and facing your father and then moving. It’s scary.
When we all leap and when we all shift is when something scares us and makes us a little uncomfortable. I always tell people to move towards it and not away from it because that’s what causes the change. I wondered, did you ever want to give up when you were in that fearful state? I can hear people reading this and be like, “Easy for him, he’s this thought leader and all of that jazz.”
I wanted to give up all the time. When I was fourteen and my life was set up for me, I felt this vision and I felt this calling. I felt like I would see myself in America. We live behind my father’s church because we didn’t have that much money. I would sneak into my father’s church with the lights off in pitch black. Every night, I would speak to the empty chairs and imagine myself giving seminars to thousands of people in America. I was imagining I was in hotel rooms and ballrooms.
I felt this calling and I didn’t know how I was going to get there. It didn’t make any sense. I knew no one in America. There were many times even in that stage that I wanted to give up. I didn’t know if I would have the strength to face my father. I didn’t know if I would have the strength to come to America. I didn’t know how I would do it. I’m not going to a university. I have no specific skill. I have no money. I have no connections. I had no idea. Many times, I wanted to call it a day.
At 16 or 17 years old, I quit. It was a summer vacation. I said, “I’m going to get a job in London and live here, work here, and figure it out.” Something in my soul and being wouldn’t let me. One of the greatest pains we have as human beings is to feel our potential, to feel that knowing, to feel that calling inside of us, and to suppress that, deny that, distract from that, and not express. At least move in that direction. There were many moments when I wanted to give up even up until that point.
Coming to the US as an eighteen-year-old kid with $800, I knew no one in the country. I was dropped off in Venice Beach on a Sunday. It was pretty crazy at that moment. I cried for about six months because I felt so alone. Here I am following my dream. Here I am following my calling. I have no money. I am living in a shoebox apartment in Koreatown stealing food from supermarkets to eat. I pulled a mattress out of the trash that someone threw out so I could sleep and wondered, “What the hell am I doing?”
I cried every day. Every day, I wanted to return home. Every day, I wanted to go back to safety. I would call my mother and I would cry. As much as my mother loved me and wanted me back, she kept pushing me forward. Something wouldn’t let me. To me, that was a surrender. On one level, I wanted to give up but there was a deeper part of me in my soul that knew that I had to persevere. For me, it was taking it one day at a time even though it was difficult, hard, and I questioned myself a lot. Sometimes people think that when you find your purpose, life is easy. The whole universe opens up.
When you find your purpose, that’s when the real challenges, the real tests, and the real difficulties begin. Many times, people give up at that moment when they don’t realize that what they’re going through is their soul preparation. You’re going through the soul test that is about the universe preparing you to cultivate the mental, the emotional, the physical, the psychic, and the spiritual muscles so that you can be toned and spiritually fit. You can develop the soul force to be able to fulfill your mission and your vision.
Because it looks like things aren’t happening or things aren’t going according to plan or you’re faced with challenge after challenge, that doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path. To me, this is where surrender is so important. When you’re following someone else’s path, you’re doing what you think you should do, you’re doing what society and social media tells you to do, you’re doing it because other people are doing it, you’re going to give up. Sometimes success is challenging. If it was completely easy, everyone would be doing it.
When you follow your soul and there is an undeniable knowing in your soul, for me, that gave me the strength to keep going. I knew this was my guidance even though it didn’t make sense. It wasn’t because my mother or my father told me. When I won that Green Card out of the middle of nowhere, to me, that was also the universe supporting me. That was a clue. That didn’t happen by accident. There were these little clues that gave me the courage to put one more step and another step. For me, I focused on doing what I could.
Even then, honestly, over the years, there have been many moments even building my coaching business and building my coaching practice where I face challenges. I went through ups and downs. I wanted to give up. I felt like it was too hard. Because the desire was authentic and the motivation was pure, that’s what kept me going.
I never went into this industry for business or money. For me, it was a calling. That calling is bigger than your circumstance. That calling is bigger than your situation. Because it was a calling, I couldn’t give up. Because it was a calling, I was connected to myself. That’s what pulled me through. I invite each person to tap into their calling.
When things don’t manifest or when things don’t happen and we want to give up, many times it means the vision or goal that you’ve set for yourself is not the authentic vision or goal that is truly aligned with your highest soul’s destiny. We might be just doing what we think we should be doing based on our conditioning. Many times, we set goals and we think that’s what we want but it’s what we thought we wanted based on who we think we are. Many times, when we achieve it, we’re like, “This is not authentically what I want.”
Often, our goals can sometimes be projections of unmet needs from childhood, “Dad wasn’t around, I wasn’t validated, and I didn’t feel lovable. If I can get that body, get that guy, get that girl, get the Lamborghini, and have enough Instagram followers, then I’ll be enough.” It’s not fulfilling and you will lose motivation. When things don’t happen, the first thing it might mean is what you think you want is not what you want. It’s what you think you want.
It’s important that we then not give up but step back and re-evaluate a deeper goal, a deeper intention as to what’s truly authentic. For me, it was authentic. I couldn’t give up. Because it was truly authentic, I felt like it was bigger than me. It was bigger than my personality. It was bigger than my momentary mood. That’s what kept me going.
The second thing is when things don’t happen or when things don’t manifest and you feel like giving up, it might mean not timing yet. The mango isn’t ripe. The fruit isn’t ripe yet. It’s not time. Sometimes, we want what we want when we want it. We want that relationship when we want the relationship and we want it now. Maybe your person isn’t ready yet. Maybe there’s a whole host of events in the universe that still need to come together.
You’re swiping on Tinder.
You’re trying to make it happen. You’re trying to force it to happen. It has to be now. Sometimes we have to trust the divine timing of the universe. Everything has a season. Everything has a cycle. Everything is for a reason even if we can’t see it right now. If things aren’t happening at the time that we want and we’re about to give up, we need to step back for a moment and be patient.
At that time of waiting, that doesn’t mean doing anything. That means cultivating yourself, preparing yourself, and educating yourself. That means getting the coaching, the guidance and the makeover. Make sure that you are becoming the most magnificent expression of yourself possible at the highest level so you can vibrate at the highest frequency possible.
The third thing is if things aren’t happening, you want to give up. Here’s where a lot of people miss the boat. When things don’t happen, sometimes you feel like giving up. It might mean that you have not learned the lesson that you need to learn where you are at with who you are with. We are all souls having a human experience. We incarnate into this human domain, into this school of life in order to learn, grow and evolve.When you follow your soul and surrender to your deepest, authentic truth, it will always guide you on the right path and you will always end up in the right place. Click To Tweet
To me, if life is a school, then every situation, every experience, and every relationship is part of our soul’s curriculum. There is an evolutionary learning opportunity in every moment. Many times, when things don’t happen, we try to push and force it to make it happen. Trying to force something to be doesn’t necessarily make it so.
Rather than forcing, I invite each person to look at life from a soul perspective and ask themselves, “Things aren’t manifesting. My partner isn’t showing up. My soulmate isn’t showing up. My dream isn’t happening. What is it that I need to learn right now? What is it that my soul hasn’t learned yet? What is it that my soul needs? What is it that I need to resolve within myself on a soul and spiritual level?” All lessons are repeated until learned. When we learn the lesson where we are with who we’re with, that is the key to unlocking the lock to the next level of manifestation in our life. Those are a few things.
To the audience, do you know why he’s the next thought leader in personal development? That was amazing. The things that you extracted in ways of getting over fears and leaping and reasons why you might not be doing it, some of the things that I heard you say are powerful. Even as that little, scared boy, you used that visualization and saw yourself in a different setting, in a different way as a leader. All this research is done on how powerful we all are when we create our own stories in that way. That was the first thing.
The other thing was your belief in yourself. Even when other people didn’t, even when your father wanted something different, even when you had everything around you saying no, you said yes. There are times that were tough but you still persevere because you have that fundamental belief in yourself. The other thing that you brought out was that authenticity and when you came from that place of what you wanted and not what others wanted or maybe that’s something that’s off. That’s why I feel like you attracted all this amazing stuff.
The other thing that I was thinking about is how many times when we’re not in our authenticity that we also attract toxic situations or things that are not good for us or don’t serve us on top of it all. That’s why it’s important to be congruent with who you are, but it’s not easy to do. I love this whole story about you having the Green Card pop up. I also think you were ready to see it. Had that happened another time in your life, you may have not seen that gift or that manifestation of the gift. It’s perception as well.
I see this happen with people that I work with. It’s like, “This never happens to me. I have never seen that guy before.” When I’m coaching people, people are like, “Kim, this never happens to me when I’m home. Did you plant these guys here?” I’m like, “I don’t know that many people. I’m not that powerful.” It’s because you are radiating energy that’s attracting that but you’re also looking for it.
We can go on whatever tangent you want but I want to piggyback on what you’re saying. This is connected to your relationship analogy. Sometimes I find that people don’t attract a relationship, “There are no guys. There’s no one.” Sometimes we are attached to an idea of what we think we want or what we think we should be with or what we think the person should be based on our ego, identity and personality. It’s conditioned by our childhood patterns and trauma.
Because we get sometimes attached to this preconceived idea of who we think the person should be, “He’s got to be this tall. He’s got to have this hair.” It’s great to know what you want but we don’t realize that sometimes, we can end up limiting and putting limits on the universe. I want to say that the universe, the divine intelligence that created you, me, and all of existence is bigger than you and me. It’s bigger than what we even think we want for ourselves.
Sometimes, we don’t even realize that we end up putting limits on life because we’re like, “It’s got to be like this. He’s got to look like this. He has to act like this. He has to go to Harvard. He’s got to have blue eyes. He’s got to have blonde hair. He’s got to be brown. He’s got to be this. He’s got to be a musician. He’s got to play the violin.”
It’s great to have an idea but we get so attached to it that sometimes your soul has a different agenda. Life has a different intention. There is sometimes what you think you need but what your soul knows you need. I would tell people don’t get attached to what they think they want. Get in touch with the feeling of the experience, the love, the connection, the bliss, the joy, the beauty, how you want to be treated, the feeling, and the experience.
Don’t put limitations on this infinite intelligence to manifest in a package that might not fit your nervous system conditioning, that might not fit your ego. Love can show up in infinite ways that may be not what your mind expects because to me love is infinite. True love is infinite. True love is not necessarily about conditioning. True love comes to blow you wide open and take you beyond yourself. True love comes to evolve you as a soul. The purpose of love is evolution, and that is a whole different thing.
Have a sense of what you want but focus on the feeling and experience in your body. Don’t limit life with these attachments because sometimes it will surprise you. When you truly are open, that doesn’t mean, “I’m open to an abuser. I’m open to someone who’s going to betray me.” No. It is the feeling of being respected and loved.
When you are truly opening and you’re not limiting the package, blue, red and green, then you’re completely available to miracles. To me, that is surrendering. When you’re available to miracles, then your soulmate could show up on a white horse walking down the street. It can show up on a plane next to you or in a grocery store or in the most unexpected situation that you don’t even realize that we’re not even available. We’re not even open.
Many years ago, I remember meeting a beautiful woman in a gas station convenience. She had children. There she was with her children. You could tell that she was a great mother. She was a single mother. You could see that she had the vibe for these kids. Honestly, women are the heroes of the world and don’t get enough credit. You give birth after nine months. Every single human being was birthed out of you. To be honest, you make it look easy. You’re like, “I’m carrying life. I’m giving life. I’m creating life. I’m online and I’m making phone calls. I’m running the family. I’m running my business. I put down a baby.” It’s like, “I’m a guy. I have a headache. I’m crying.”
By the way, it’s not easy. I’ve done it. I’ve been there and done that.
Full credit to you, amazing women. Here I am seeing this woman with three kids and she’s buying $20 worth of lottery tickets. I say to her, “I hope that you win.” Her immediate response is, “I’m never going to win.” I’m thinking to myself, “Why the hell is she buying lottery tickets?” She wasn’t even open. Sometimes we play the game of love and life. We don’t even realize unconsciously that we’re not even open for whatever reason. We’re doing it, we’re playing it, and we’re on the field, but we’re not truly available.
Part of surrender and part of manifesting love or anything is true openness and availability. Do not put limits on life. I would ask everyone, are you truly open or do you have all these limits? Sometimes we’re not open because we don’t think we’re worthy. Sometimes we’re not open because we’re afraid that it might happen. If we’re afraid that it might happen, then what? It’s scary. Surrender is openness and availability.
Can we say amen? Those of you reading, we did not rehearse this beforehand. My audience knows that a lot of what you said is my jam. It’s what I believe is true. One of the things that I talk about is I do a lot of flirt workshops. When you look at the definition of flirting in the dictionary, it’s to behave as though you are attracted to someone without the serious intention of an outcome.
What happens in dating and love is we get so attached to the outcome and that’s also attached to fears that we have or things that we think might happen. We’re riddled with anxiety about what might happen in the future or we’re tied down by things that have happened in the past and we’re not present. Much of dating is being present, being open, and being connected. You nailed it for people reading who want to find love and dating.
That lady that you described, “He must be 6 feet tall.” I have a name for her, she’s called the List Lady. It’s the list that goes out so long that no one can make all the qualifications that she’s looking for. What’s on the list are the things that she fears that she may not have or haven’t had before. She’s trying to protect herself by having all these qualifications. Only a small percentage of the population is over 6 feet tall. These are things that are not to be focused on.Sometimes people think that when you find your purpose, life is easy and the whole universe opens up. But when you find your purpose, that's when the real challenge, test, and difficulties begin. Click To Tweet
Is it okay if I share how my parents met?
I would love that.
This might inspire some of the readers.
Please, do. I want to talk about how this all relates to the dating world.
It relates to surrender too. It’s interconnected. Here’s an elaborate story that I’m going to share. This is how my mother met my father. My father is from Ghana, born on a concrete floor in the middle of nowhere, in the bush with no electricity. When my father was approximately nine years old in the ‘40s, he starts having visions of a Japanese spiritual teacher.
Imagine the Japanese Yogananda. The guy’s name is Masaharu Taniguchi. He starts having these visions of this Japanese teacher. He didn’t know who he was. The guy will teach him about life, the mysteries of life, the nature of reality, and the cosmos in his dreams. When my father was fifteen, he had a spiritual-religious experience in Ghana where he gave his life to God and he started healing people. He’s a miracle man.
He would put his hands on people and people started getting healed. He was a fifteen-year-old kid, a straight gift from the Divine, with no training. It just happened to him. At 17, 18 and 19 years old, he starts building churches. His first churches explode. From 18 to 37, he built 300 churches in Ghana, West Africa with hundreds of thousands of followers. He gets married and has some kids. His first wife dies. Now he’s a single father taking care of his kids.
This was in the ‘70s. He goes into a store in Ghana. A book falls off the shelf or he sees a book, something that stands out. He sees the book and opens the book. At the back of the book, he sees the face of this Japanese guru who would come to him in his dream since he was eight years old. He didn’t know that this guy was real. He thought he was in his imagination.
He’s so shocked that he writes to this man and he says, “You have been coming to me in my dream since I was eight years old. You’re my spiritual father. I’m shocked and I want to meet you.” This was before the internet and all of that stuff. This man writes to my father. He sends his son-in-law to Japan in the ‘70s on a plane to meet my father. He checks my father’s work and was impressed with what my father built. My father has been to India at this stage. He became spiritual, mystical, and metaphysical. The teachings are in alignment.
The son-in-law invites my father to go to Japan to meet the guru and go on an entire huge arena lecture tour with the guru. My father says, “I’m ready for a wife. Please pray for me. I’m open to a wife.” The son-in-law says, “Absolutely.” My father gets ready to go to Japan. The son-in-law goes back to Japan, reports to the guru, and gives a lecture. In the son-in-law’s lecture, he announces the tour dates for my father and the guru in Japan.
My mother grew up in a spiritual organization. Her parents’ teacher is this Japanese guru. She is in the audience when the son-in-law is announcing the dates. She’s 28 or 29 at this time. In Japan, if you don’t marry at that time, her life is over. She’s been proposed and she’s not feeling the connection with anyone.
She made a prayer. I invite everyone to make this prayer. The prayer was simply, “Universe, God, I will marry anyone you direct me to marry. Just make it clear, I completely surrender myself to the highest will. Show me what my highest destiny is with my soulmate. I am completely open. I’m totally available. Make it clear when I meet this person.”
She’s in the audience hearing about my father. She says she felt chills in her body, “This is your husband.” She then gets my father’s address and writes to my father. My father happens to be in London and a letter comes to him. He’s meditating. The day before, he feels the sense, “My wife is going to come to me.” He goes to the mailbox in London. He’s in transit for a few months before Japan. He’s in transit, he goes to the mailbox, and he sees an envelope from Japan.
Before he opens the envelope, he’s like, “It’s from Japan. I don’t know anyone in Japan. This is my wife.” It was his intuition. He opens the letter from my mother. My mother doesn’t speak English. My father doesn’t speak Japanese. It’s completely different cultures. My mother is as Japanese as you can get. My father is African and Blacker than my t-shirt. It’s completely opposite cultures. They can’t speak the same language. She gets a translator, her sister, to write the letter. There’s nothing romantic. It says, “Looking forward to hearing you speak in Japan.” My father says, “This is my wife.”
She didn’t even flirt or anything.
In those days, the Japanese don’t flirt. It was like, “Looking forward to hearing you speak in Japan.” “This is my wife.” My father is pretty bold. He writes to her and says, “Would you be open to moving to Ghana?” She writes back, translated by her sister, “If it’s God’s will, I will move.” He writes back and says, “Yes, it’s God’s will. Marry me.” I’m shortening the letters but she writes back and says, “I will marry you. I accept.” They agreed to get married.
They haven’t seen a picture of each other yet. You want to talk about extreme surrender to the soul and knowing. They then meet. My father meets her for 45 minutes for the first time in Japan, in a park with chaperones because it’s old-school and not allowed by yourself. They look at each other. They can’t have a conversation. They agreed they were getting married.
My father goes on a six-week lecture tour with the guru. They agreed to get married on a certain date, it was June 23rd. My father has no money by Japanese standards. He’s from Africa. In Japan, you can’t marry a Japanese bride as a foreigner and not throw a wedding with a kimono. Do it right to honor the parents. He surrenders. He trusts the universe.
At the end of his lecture talk, he goes to his mailbox in Japan and there is an envelope. He opens the envelope and there’s $7,000 in the ‘70s in cash. All it says in this envelope is, “This is for your wedding.” That’s it. He didn’t tell anyone he needed money. They ended up getting married, doing a ceremony, went on a honeymoon, moved back to Ghana, and then I was born a year later.
All I’m saying is that the universe is bigger than you. When you truly surrender, when you’re truly open, when you’re truly available, when you know who you are and what you are, it’s love itself. It’s not something you have to seek and find. You have to remove the mental and emotional stories and blockages that prevent you from realizing that you are loved and you completely surrender and you’re open. You cultivate a life that you love and live in a way that is full of love and you start expressing the love that you are. You become magnetic.When we learn the lesson where we are and who we're with, that is the key to unlocking the next level of manifestation in our life. Click To Tweet
My mother, to me, the key to her manifestation was in her surrender. It didn’t come in the package she expected. It’s not that it was easy and romantic. There were different challenges. Her soul was in alignment with my father’s soul in their own cosmic destiny. Sometimes we’re afraid to surrender. We have this idea that surrender is weak and passive. Surrender means you’re going to give up on your dreams and you won’t manifest your dreams. You’re going to get less than. You’re going to end up with someone that’s going to be not what you want.
I’m saying that surrender is the passport to freedom. Surrender is the most powerful thing that you can do. I’m saying that when you surrender, what if you didn’t get less but you got more beyond your wildest expectations of what you could even have planned with your logic, your personality, and your mind? To me, that’s the magic of surrender. Magic is beyond what you could even imagine for yourself. My mother got beyond what she could have imagined for herself.
Most of us want the magic but we don’t want to surrender. To me, the password to the miracles, the password to manifest is the degree to which you want the magic is the degree to which you have to surrender. My invitation is that you surrender. Surrender doesn’t mean sitting there and doing nothing. Surrender doesn’t mean staying at home, not leaving your house, watching TV, and waiting for someone to show up.
Surrender is not an abdication of responsibility at all. It means feeling your truth, letting go, living in trust, being fully available and open, doing everything on your part without attachment, and living with openness, curiosity and availability. This way, you’re open to the universe showing up and meeting you in your point of action.
You should write a book about this thing, the magic of surrender of some sort, which I want you to talk about. I was going to ask you for your parting words of wisdom but I didn’t have to ask you because this whole episode has been that. I love that story. It’s such a testament to not only being open and surrendering to possibilities but making things happen as well through action.
It is all of those things that you talk about that do create love in the end when you use that surrender. Whether you’re the princess on the white horse or your dad in Ghana, love can happen. Please share with everybody how they can find you and get your book. I’ll have to have you back on for part two. There’s too much here.
Let’s do it anytime you want. It’s been a real pleasure and joy. I love your energy. I hope everyone found value from our conversation in some way that they can take away. The Magic of Surrender book is out. It comes out in paperback. I’m doing something special. On May 7th, 2022, I’m doing a free virtual online event. If you buy The Magic of Surrender book, if you preorder it before May 3rd, 2022, you get access to a whole bunch of free gifts.
Also, you get to attend the live virtual online seminar as my guest. It’s called Reinvent Live. I’m going to teach people how to reinvent themselves, the seven phases of reinventing yourself and reinventing your life, letting go of the past, reconnecting with your power, and giving your gifts to the world. You can go to the website at www.KuteBlackson.com/reinventseminar.
Go to Amazon. Go to that website. Enter your name, email, and receipt and that gives you access to the live event and a whole bunch of free gifts. Say hi on Instagram. I’m reachable on Instagram. Say hi on Facebook. My main website is KuteBlackson.com. If people feel like going for a deeper dive twice a year, I do an intensive seminar for twelve days in Bali called Boundless Bliss Bali. That’s www.BoundlessBlissBali.com.
I want to come.
Do you need anybody to do makeovers as part of the reinvention process? I’m just saying. It’s easy to find him. Thank you again. This was amazing. You helped a lot of people.
Thanks for having me.
Thanks for you joining us. Remember, you can build confidence, make connections, and find love from the outside in. If you want to know more, make sure you go to my site, KimmySeltzer.com. If you are having a hard time surrendering in your love life, hop on a call with me. We’ll map out a plan for you so that you can find that path to love. Buy the book that Kute was talking about, The Magic of Surrender. It’s powerful. Who knows? Maybe your life will change and you’ll come on this show to talk about it. Remember, working on you is working on your dating life. That’s all for now.
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Kimmy Seltzer is a Confidence Therapist and Authentic Dating Strategist implementing targeted style, emotional and social intelligence to your life.
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