Dating After Divorce… Am I a Teenager….Again?

Salsa dancing, bar hopping, losing weight, making out with younger men and women, mood swings, erratic dating and OMG is that a zit?

No I’m not talking about being a teenager. I take it back. Dating and getting back out there after a long-term relationship DOES feel like you are going through adolescence all over again!

And guess what? I am here to tell you that it is OK!

When you are coming out of a divorce or long relationship, your identity has been linked with your ex-partner for so long that you forget who you are separate from that person, especially if you met when you were younger. So doing all of these pubescent activities is actually a great way to find yourself again and gain sexual confidence.

Despite its challenges, if you feel good about yourself and know what you want, finding love and dating can be fun. It takes time and patience, but there are 3 simple things that you can do right now to increase your confidence, feel sexy again and attract the opposite sex.

1. Focus On You

The first step is to get back to the basics, by figuring out what your passions are and really getting in touch with your true self. Dating can be overwhelming, so focus on “you” first.

After being in a long term relationship people tend to stop doing what they used to love. Revisit the things that once inspired you and get involved again. Perhaps there are hobbies, places to travel or extracurricular activities that you’ve been wanting to do. Reconnecting with your passions will help you find the things that make you happy, focus on yourself and even meet other likeminded single people.

2. Be A Kid In A Candy Store

After divorce or a long relationship many people try to numb the pain by quickly getting involved with someone else. That, however, is just a Band-Aid over a wound that needs time to heal.

Slow down and don’t worry about getting into another relationship right away. Instead be a kid in a candy store and enjoy the new freedom by tasting all of the new flavors and treats. Don’t just settle for the Hershey bar…I mean have you ever tasted a Butterfinger before? It is good for you to date a lot and find out who you are and what you like again. You may find that your taste has changed over the years.

3. Update Your Wardrobe

Many of my clients over 40 find themselves stuck in a rut still wearing clothes from the 90’s or wearing work clothes on their dates. Figuring out how to dress to attract the opposite sex is no easy task, but if you dress in a way that makes you look and feel confident then you know you are on the right track.

For women, your primary focus should be to dress in a feminine way that honors your figure. As we get older women’s bodies change so it’s important to know your body type and emphasize the parts you love and deemphasize the parts you want to conceal in order to feel confident.

When choosing your outfit and thinking about key essentials, keep in mind that men love women in dresses, skirts, jewelry and heels. And don’t forget about the details! Have your nails well manicured, wear makeup and style your hair so it’s flowing. Your goal for the first date is to appear mysterious, feminine and approachable. Make sure you’re not showing too much skin or dressing provocatively. Remember that sexiness is a result of creating intrigue and curiosity.

For men, don’t underestimate the power of your clothes with the ladies! In fact, the number one thing that most women find attractive is a man who looks put together and successful. I’ve peeked in many men’s closets that are still filled with acid washed jeans, pleated pants and baseball jerseys from the days of old…not a hot look when trying to attract that special woman today.

Make sure you update your wardrobe by getting clothes that are youthful, fit your body well and have a unique personal style that suits you. Impress her by looking casually stylish with a few of these staples: a pair of well fitted jeans, a stylish shirt, leather jacket and clean shoes or boots.

Your dating success increases 55% just based on the clothes you wear and how you put yourself together.

I would love to help you know what messages your clothes are sending, teach you about brands that fit your body type and make shopping recommendations in one hour with my laser-focused Virtual Makeover. I hope you totally have fun dating again… 🙂

This article was originally published on Digital Romance.